
Everyone keeps telling me that I may start to lose my memory while pregnant. I didn't think it possible, but this morning, after a particularly long night of not sleeping and flopping about in the Nice heat, I woke up with Nellie Olesen in my living room and thus felt sure I had, in fact, lost my marbles.
'Morning Cafe" (notice the anglo name), is a 2 hour morning show on a cable station broadcast nationally in France. It is mainly geared at adolescents, teenagers, and young 20-somethings. And foreigners trying to improve their slang French and knowledge of hip French culture. The daily program consists of various music videos interspersed with features on things like "where are Angelina and Brad at this very second?" and "how to do nothing, eat lots of cheese and lose 15 pounds fast". Sometimes there are special guests. Normally there's a smattering of gags and stunts. Lost souls from all over France send test messages from their cell phone which are then shown as a running ticker at the bottom of the screen that say things like 'J'ADORE Morning Café". Everyweek the contestants on France's Star Academy/La Nouvelle Star and every other French reality TV show come and make an appearance, In general, crap TV, but so good for your French skills! Also "Morning Cafe", and it's predecessor, "C'est Pas Trop Tot" (cleverly and enticingly named "It's Not Too Early!" for surly teenagers averse to the a.m.) have saved me on many occasion in front of my students when I actually knew what they are talking about.
This morning's guest, as I leered a bleary eye over my tea, was none other than.....wait for it......Nellie Olesen. Surely, my mind was playing tricks on me, I thought. But that little turned up nose is recognizable anywhere. It was the 46 year-old her, the tyrant of Walnut Grove, sitting on a bar stool in a studio in Paris, certainly plumper and older than her days behind the candy counter. I turned to the couch cushions and said "That's Nellie Olesen", to no one in particular. She just smiled the whole time but said very little. I quickly discerned the squiggly cord of a earpiece sticking out from behind her neck, and realized she was getting a simultaneous translation in her ear.
What the hell is Nellie Oleson doing on a cheesy teenager morning show in Paris in late June 2006? I got up and left the living room, and came back, thinking perhaps I just needed to clear my head. Nope, it was her all right. Alison Arngrim is the actress' name. She said occasionally things like "Je t'aime" and blew kisses at the semi-famous so-cool-he-only-has-one-name-comic-host, "Zuméo". The other hosts (there's a small group of "funny people") made comments like "Nellie, I don't remember you having such a formidable bosum back in Walnut Grove". There was a 3 second delay as she stared into space, holding her earpiece close to her temple, then coquettishly smiling. I finally gleaned that she is doing some kind of one-woman-show, translated into French, the title of which loosely transates as "Confessions of a Prairie Brat". What's more, she's starring in some French film by some unknown French director. The French LOVE Little House. The reruns are on all the time.
Eventually one of the hosts talked about the 2 American series which are the most famous in France, noneother than "The Young and the Restless" and "Petite Maison dans la Prarie". They showed the opening sequence of Little House, and when Carrie falls in the tall grass as she runs down the hill, Nellie shouted "Oh, la petite bébé Carrie" with a cringing American accent.
I'd had enough or the freakiness of the whole thing and turned it off. Nellie Oleson is the JR Ewing of my youth. You loved to hate her, even when she married pathetic Percival and tried to run her own restaurant.
The whole moment this morning was like entering into a Salvidor Dali painting. I'm still trying to get over it!
























